Short Answer: Yes.
Long Answer? As an introvert, I’ve always had a tough time opening up to people. Saying that, you must find this blog as a surprise. These letters I’m writing to my mom seem personal, almost too private to be shared and yet here they are, available for everyone to see. Honestly, I don’t mind. Maybe this can help someone out there, someone who maybe experienced the same things I have. I never thought of myself as someone able or willing to help, but over the years, I see that it has become a deeply ingrained part of my nature. Not only because I worked in customer service, making it a necessity to listen to people’s stories and hardships even if I didn’t want to, but also due to the times I have shared what has happened to me. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been told I inspired someone, maybe I’d be far too busy in the Bahamas to bother with this…
Kidding. I’d probably still try and put this all together – maybe in a way that is a little more creative.
Surprisingly, I haven’t met many people who have had a close encounter with cancer and loss much like I have. You would think I would have at thirty three (and working with the public), but no. I only have one close friend who knows exactly what kind of hell I went through when it comes to chemo and radiation. And I am glad nobody immediately close to me has experienced loss with as much sadness as I have. Of course they have buried their parents or their loved ones, but not to the great extent that I had to and for that, I’m grateful. It is a pain I don’t wish upon anyone.
That being said, I went into this project with a goal of helping someone find their comfort or closure. Or maybe help them see that they can keep going despite the obstacles ahead. Maybe even see life worth living after reading through my stories. I am not of the opinion that I have the saddest history of them all. In fact, I sometimes feel like I’m not worthy of my sadness as people have suffered far more than I ever did. However, I know that it brings others comfort to know that they aren’t alone in their suffering, even if they are finding comfort in a stranger – I am fine with being that stranger. I’m fine with being their silent way of coping. I don’t mind. I’ve always been a good listener.
Which leads me to the reasons for this part of my blog. I realize that, as I write these letters to my mother, I am opening up the opportunity for dialogue in the many topics I touch. Or maybe I’m not, and some of you find it uncomfortable to approach me with a comment after reading some of the hard things I experienced over the years. It honestly never occurred to me how someone might feel about leaving a comment on one of my posts. I kind of dived right into this, and kept going once I found that addictive release. It makes me wonder why I haven’t started this before. I wasn’t expecting the cathartic relief, so now I guess I’m actually committed.
If nothing else, I hope this can help someone like me; quiet, alone and too proud to ask for help.
Feel free to engage with me or the letters, or on any part of this blog. I’m not afraid of criticism – or at least, not anymore. I’m willing to encourage whatever dialogue this will inspire. If nothing else than to show the world that the United State’s health care system and child care system is just as broken as the infrastructure, and the economy.
Always with love,
Sabrance Darkling
P.S. I am using an alias, yes. Not because I am hiding my identity from the possibility of people fact checking me but because I respect and cherish the people in my life and worry for their safety. If there ever comes a moment when I need to verify everything that I have written, I’ll cross that bridge – but for now, I’ll do whatever possible to keep me and my people safe.
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